Goals Happen
Setting goals does
not just apply to your career, your finances, or your fitness. Goals apply to
every aspect of your life and that includes your relationship. If you are
single and you’re sick of being that way, then you need to come up with a plan
to change that and you need to approach it with the very same determination as
you would any other type of goal.
The first thing to
do when trying to change the way you’re approaching your love life, is to look
at what is holding you back.
For many people,
it’s actually a lack of trying. Either they’ve been hurt before, they’ve lost
confidence, or they just don’t realize they have to. But at the end of the day,
if you’re tired of being single, then you need to work at this just as you
would anything else. That might mean trying online dating, it might mean going
to bars more, or it might mean just asking people out in the street.
While some people
aren’t trying at all though, many other people are simply trying the wrong
strategy or focussing on the wrong thing. These are the people who know they
don’t want to be single any more but who aren’t quite sure how to change that.
For example, if you want to have a more active sex life then you shouldn’t be
dating your friends as that is more likely to lead to a long-term relationship.
If you want a long-term relationship, then looking at bars or on Tinder is
likewise misguided.
Actually, pining
after friends is generally a bad idea and it’s something that can really waste
your time unless you have a drastic plan to change the way they see you. And
then there are people who simply fail to correctly assess their own
desirability to certain groups.
Then there’s the
chance that you’re doing everything right but just not getting results, in
which case you need to focus on your approach. That might mean the way you
present yourself, or the way you come across in conversation. Many of us will
unintentionally come across as sleazy, as needy, as clingy, or as desperate —
none of these things are going to help your chances!
How to Make the
Change
Once you’ve
identified the problem, it’s time to start making the change. The first thing
to do is to make the commitment to be proactive. That means regularly
approaching people, or signing up to online dating and putting in effort (just
creating a profile is not enough) or to improving your approach and your
swagger.Then you need to come up with a plan and think about how to make best
use of your resources.
For instance,
Facebook can be a surprisingly effective way to meet people and also to
reconnect with old people. Perhaps there is an old flame you could start
messaging? Or maybe you could add someone that you met at a party?If you’re shy
of approaching the opposite sex, then maybe you should think of a way to work
up to it and to build your confidence.Sometimes it means not taking the most
obvious route but the most important thing is that you identify the weak points
in your game and your strategy and then work to fix those.
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